I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
