i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize