tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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