hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
