This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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