He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
