you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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