I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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