Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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