so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize