I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
