Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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