I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
