***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
