Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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