My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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