Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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