the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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