you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
