i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize