oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
