love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
