Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
