You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
