i wish starbucks made bloody marys
false alarm. still invincible.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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