I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
