I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
