I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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