Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize