I think my fart just growled at me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
