All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
