He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
