The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
