Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
