We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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