He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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