He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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