Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
