Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize