would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
