Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
