I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
