Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
