There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
