just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
