If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
