what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well you can't waste a boner
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
