That's intense
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
