I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
someone owes me an orgasm
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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