i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
