you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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