Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
