He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
