Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
