it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
