I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
