..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
