sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
