we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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