When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
