Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
