How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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