even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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