Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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