how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
