thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
