i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
