but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
