Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
