I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize