Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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