Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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